Rick Beneteau’s Inspirational Blog

Rick wrote this mid-afternoon:

Many of you may know that I have helped to develop and market products to improve the body and mind. If you’re interested, they can all be found here. It was my partners clinic programs we replicated in the recording studio and Rick Saruna wrote this article for me last year. With all the bad news the media is furiously pumping out lately (when is it not, really?) I thought his advice would be very timely. Enjoy and benefit!

Rick

Thoughts and Thinking - The Final Frontier

It was a great honor to be asked by my dear friend Rick to write this article.

I want to address something today that affects every part of everyone’s life - your thoughts and thinking. As a clinical therapist that sees over 100 people per week with issues ranging from anxiety, depression and stress to helping them overcome addiction, lose weight or increase sports performance, I began to discover early in my
practice the “missing link” in order to be able to create dramatic, positive changes in those who came to me for help. In many cases, I was their last resort.

I quickly learned the root cause of their problems. In every case it went back to their thoughts and thinking.

Your thoughts are like watching a movie. If you watch a happy movie you will feel happy. If you watch a sad movie you will feel sad. It really is an easy concept to follow. What people don’t realize it that not only can they change the movie but that they own the theatre!

If we went outside a theatre and 4 movies were coming out same time, one an action adventure, one a sad love story, another a comedy, and the other a scary movie, we could tell who went to what movie by the looks on their faces and their body movements.

When a client walks in the look on their face and the way they move tell me quickly what they are playing in their head.

I asked a client one time, “If the voice in your head isn’t yours, who’s is it?” She replied, “My Mother!”

If the voice in your head isn’t yours whose is it and where did it come from?

As a child we can learn instruments, languages, sports, and school. But we also believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy!

As a child we absorb our environment. We become what we are told and what we see. Unfortunately the people we are modeling and mirroring have their own issues and problems and they pass them on to us.

As the saying goes, there is no manual that comes with having a child. I often say that the cord is not cut in the delivery room. The cord is cut when they walk you to the hospital door, wave farewell and say, “Have a good life!” I remember driving away with this little baby saying to myself, this should be illegal! I know I was more prepared than most people but what an eye opener!

All of us started this way. Our thoughts develop through a system know as ‘default.’ There is no defined or set system of mind development. It’s all what we absorb, the good, the bad, and the ugly!

The real problem with thoughts is negativity and the way people learn the language of thoughts. Through a person’s life they grow up always being told, “No, won’t, can’t, don’t,” etc.

The real problem is that the mind cannot process a negative. Let me give you an example. If I say, “Don’t think of a pink elephant.” You must think of a pink elephant. You just did think of a pink elephant!

Today’s world is so filled with negativity that there is little positive in the media and the world around us. Thinking really is a 3 legged chair. It’s what we say, what we think, and what we surround ourselves with that becomes our thoughts and thinking.

The nice thing that I was able to discover was that it is actually quite simple to create change in your mind when you know how. The results can be quite dramatic, profound, and instantaneous.

We must work with what we say, what we think and what we surround ourselves with. Our surroundings include what we read, what we watch and what or who we listen to.

Recently, a young woman came to me. She was suffering miserably with a list of health ailments, insomnia, gastro intestinal, depression and weight issues. Doctors told her she needed to get used to living with all the ailments since there was nothing that could be done. What they should have said was that there nothing THEY could do.

In the first session we were able to find the root causes and began to lift them. I taught her the power of thoughts and how they mold and produced her future. Within days she was sleeping and started exercising. Soon after her stomach problems disappeared, her weight dropped and she found herself in a new wonderful relationship. She was also able to discontinue her meds. All this was done by changing her thoughts and her thinking.

The power of your mind should never be underestimated. It is truly the “Final Frontier”. I encourage you to explore the power of your mind and live the life you desire and deserve.

Let me show you a very simple and easy thing to do today that will begin to help you instantly. Lets work on one of the 3 legs of that chair. Are you a news follower? The assignment is to limit all news you take in. I call it a ‘news fast.’ For a period of one week do not read the paper, watch the news or listen to talk radio. After you do this you will feel results that you never realized were possible because no longer are you giving your emotional energies to the worst problems in the world. It will be your first conscious choice that will control your thoughts and thinking. You will love the results.

And if you feel compelled please drop me your comments at rick@stressfree.net.

© 2005 Rick Saruna All Rights Reserved

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Rick wrote this in the early morning:

This is not an actual movie review (haven’t had time to see any lately) but rather an article I wrote last year that many people seemed to be able to relate to. I hope you enjoy . . .

The Problem Movie

“The other day I got out my can-opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought, what am I doing?!”
Jack Handey

Problems. Problems. Everywhere we turn there are problems!

The modern world and its monster media make darn sure you hear about problems. Every hour of the day. Every day of the week. Every week of the year. Bloody wars. Suicide bombings. Gruesome murders. Killer storms. Throughout this non-stop bombardment of negative news we have our own problems to deal with. Money
problems. Relationship problems. Health problems.

Life is problematic!

Let me ask you this question. Are you always worrying about your problems, dwelling on how bad things are and constantly thinking about the worst possible outcomes? Even if you’re not wrapped up in your problems, do you still from time to time create what I call a Problem Movie. You know, imagining the worst possible
outcomes to your problem, letting them flash across the screen of your mind like your cable news channel? To a degree, I think we all do this.

One of the basic, immutable Laws that govern this amazing Universe is the Law of Attraction. I’ve written about this many times simply because I have been so profoundly impacted by it, in both positive and negative ways, in my five decades of living on the planet. James Allen (1864-1912), author of what most modern day self-development experts feel is the ‘bible’ of positive thinking, “As A Man Thinketh”, sums this law up most succinctly:
“A man is literally what he thinks.”

Centuries before however, the Bible tells us so, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he”. Proverbs 23:7

So I ask this, if we know the Law of Attraction to be true, then why do we allow our problems and the negative thinking associated with them to invade our lives even a little bit, let alone dominate them as some people do? Afterall, no one controls our thoughts and thinking but us, right?

I don’t profess to know the complete answer to that question. Nor do I know why so many of us can’t seem to tune in enough to the bad news networks or read page after negative page of the daily newspaper. But I am learning more about human nature as I grow older.

For instance, I have a small group of clients that use my Spirit Coaching services and a certain few individuals who have chosen me to try to help them confront and move forward from their problems. While most do exceptionally well because they are open to learning and applying what amounts to some pretty simple concepts, some I have not been able to help whatsoever because, well, they seem to derive so much more benefit from being able to tell me (and others) about their (long list of) problems and how much they suffer from them than they ever would from finding a solution to, and eliminating them. I recall stating this very sad fact in a recent article, but I’ll say it once more, these folks really do LOVE their problems!

I see a similarly interesting phenomena with the new series of health related products I have helped to create. A small percentage of customers simply need to prove their theory that change is difficult. They do this by running their Problem Movies over and over and as a result they do not follow our program, choosing instead to remain steadfast to their misinformed belief only to remain a smoker, or overweight, or unhappy. Another failed attempt and yippee! - another problem created! These
people will continue to own and grow their problems until they eventually learn that change does not have to be difficult. Some may never learn.

Ok, I’ll admit that I feature Problem Movies a little too often in my own life. I catch myself writing the scripts and directing the scenes that I would never want to become my reality. Heck, what sane person would ever want what they’re thinking most of the time to become their reality?

Here’s a very recent example of how I allowed the plot I created in my mind to turn into my reality.

I had no sooner written my last line of web and promotion copy to use for our Long Term Katrina Relief effort when I entertained the thought - what possibly could happen ‘this time’ to sabotage yet another noble effort by a lot of caring folks to help people. Yes, I went so far as to project the same kinds of obstacles that had been put into my path previously with such charity projects. In other words, what kind of villain was I going to cast in the movie I had just set into motion? Right, old fears rearing ugly faces! Wasn’t a long thought but it surely was potent!

We no longer had clicked send to launch this project to hundreds of influential and possible promotion partners and then to tens of thousands of potential donors, when we began to experience major server issues. Nobody could access our website! And this challenge went on for days.

But hold on, there’s a sequel.

Once these server issues were finally fixed we discovered another - any links to the donation site would automatically and mysteriously “redirect” to the main business website of my partner, and originator of this project, jl scott. Another technical snafu. No wonder we weren’t getting any donations! I was by then working on other things, and jl was packing up to move north and out of the path of Hurricane Rita, so neither of us took notice right away.

In the normal scheme of things, when a link is broken, you will receive a polite email from someone letting you know of the problem. What happened next, I was not prepared for, but should have expected.

Into my Inbox came this rhetorical assault on the integrity of our Long Term Katrina Relief project, even calling it a scam! This subscriber of mine came loaded and gunnin’ for bear as he attached this constitution-length document, full of untruths and venomous assertions that he threatened to blast all over the Internet via discussion boards and lists including the sending of press releases if I personally didn’t “fix” this. There was nothing to fix but a server glitch to get the website appearing again. This misguided soul must have put a lot of effort into making the movie that produced such an overture. I could only imagine how much good he could have done to help our cause with all the time and energy he spent trying to tear it down!

Needless to say, we took care of this incident quite quickly but simply stated, I was equally responsible for the receipt of that email as it was me who put those kinds of negative thoughts out there, projecting a fear-based outcome and setting into motion the very incident I just described. The Law of Attraction is indeed a very powerful force!

I’ve always loved what Shakespeare had to say about thoughts:
“Make not your thoughts your prisons.” Have you too spent time in your life as a willing prisoner?

Back to our problems. We all have them and always will. I’ve often likened life to a roller coaster ride with its ups and downs and twists and turns and moments of boredom followed by moments of sheer terror. No matter where we are on that ride and what problems exist in our lives, we always have the choice of how and what we think. We are always the writer and director of our own movies.

It goes without saying that burying your head in the sand and ignoring a problem will never solve it. But neither will creating and then running and rerunning a Problem Movie, fraught with fear-based outcomes that are self-fulfilling by universal decree. If the opening scenes of a Problem Movie start rolling on the screen of your mind be quick to take a commercial break, change the reel and start another. One perhaps where a solution has been found whether you have found it or not, or, one that doesn’t star your problem at all! Remember, you control every thought you have and every thought you have dictates your reality!

Anyone for popcorn and a good movie? Great, because you have my heartfelt wishes for a lifetime of Happy Endings!

© Rick Beneteau

Rick

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Rick wrote this terribly early in the morning:

Did you ever have one of those weeks where come Sunday morning you were surprised you still had hair remaining in your head? Sure you have. We all have them. Last week was one of those weeks for me but I managed to look into the mirror this Easter Sunday morning and marvel that I was not only folically intact, but that I have always been, and still am, very blessed!

Won’t bore you with the details but when all was screamed and done I had accomplished an awfully lot including round one of taking new publicity photos for my podcast - barefoot in the park with my lap in my lap and a string of Ipods dangling from my neck. My publicists ideer:-) Now, I might even try recording a pod from the park!

Thought it might be a great idea to share an article with you - one in which I prescribe ‘medicine’ for stressful times. Medicine I took quite often last week.

Hoppy Easter and hope you enjoy . . .

Take a Timely Time Out

It’s something I’d done over the years at times when I felt a little down or stressed. Now it’s something I do almost every day, sometimes several times a day, so that I feel less stress and experience more joy in my life. For me, it’s really a magical, yet simple process. I’d like to share it with you.

I take a short time out to do what I call a Blessings Count. It’s not a process where I use a calculator or keep score or anything like that. Here’s how it works.

Usually early in the morning before I start working, I simply shut out all the chatter in my mind and just focus on the fact that so much in my life is so right. Just so many blessings. Despite the pressures and problems of everyday life, it has always been this way. It will be no different for you. We all have many blessings no matter where we are in our lives:-)

I may conjure up fond memories and images of my daughters, my grandchildren, my mom, my late father, brother or sister, or some of my great friends. It may be remembering a kindness that was extended to me or that I extended to someone. Perhaps it is just the sunshine or much needed rain today.

They can be the shortest moments or the smallest things but whenever I reflect upon these gifts I can’t help but feel this deep sense of gratitude. And joy. Suddenly and magically, I feel whatever unnecessary negative weight I was carrying, lift. My problems seem to self-adjust and take on the proper proportion. Any fear I may have been feeling is reduced, or disappears. The balancing I receive from acknowledging the wonderful, positive and real blessings in my life, and feeling truly grateful for them, is a very powerful force indeed!

Something else. I have become more sensitive to the little everyday things that are truly blessings in my life. It might be that little voice on the other end of the phone saying “Papa, I love you”. Do I ever feel blessed hearing that!

Could be the call from my mother who just wanted to say a very sincere thank you for the tasty soup I made her. Even the fact that I enjoyed cutting up the fresh vegetables to make a nutritious meal for her and then be able to deliver it and have a nice visit is a great blessing.

A few days ago I received an email from someone who seemed to be at the end of his rope trying to get a new business off the ground. He came across a piece I wrote called “The Entrepreneur’s Prayer” and he couldn’t thank me enough for the extra ounce of motivation he received from reading it. No greater blessing than to be able to bless the lives of others. Truly.

“Let’s choose today to quench our thirst for the ‘good life’ we think others lead by acknowledging the good that already exists in our lives. We can then offer the universe the gift of our grateful hearts.” Sarah Ban Breathnach

How about you? Is your list of blessings as long as mine? Take a time out and try a Blessings Count. I guarantee you will discover a list just as long, and hopefully longer:-)

Here’s how else a Blessings Count can improve your life. We are continually bombarded by negativity in our lives. Our minds are conditioned by our environment to run like the evening news - The Channel 7 Action Bad News, that is! Negative thought after negative thought streams endlessly on the screens of our minds like the news
anchor reeling off stories of suffering, destruction and death. A good friend of mine suggested years ago that some media mogul should create GNN - the Good News Network. You know, feature only stories about the abundant, very good news in this world we never get to hear about. Great idea, except that because of our conditioning it would never find a large enough audience to make it viable. Sad, but another story altogether.

Thing is though, with life being as complicated and confusing as it is today, we need to be running as many good-news scripts through our minds as often as we can each day. One great way to accomplish this is to take that time out and do your Blessings Count. You see, it will be all good news because you have so many blessings to choose from!

Last week, at the apex of a short period of time where I had become very stressed over business issues (and should have been practicing what I am preaching) I received a call from a close friend of mine. He was on the road in his large motor coach and just pulling into this busy drive-thru coffee place. Problem was, he turned into the one-way lane the wrong way!

The sound of angry horns and loud voices were soon heard and this seemed to be perfect background ambience for the loud stress I was allowing myself to feel. What happened next though was amazing. One by one my unfrazzled friend, who was literally plugging up the entire joint with his mammoth vehicle and couldn’t maneuver out of the situation, addressed each screaming person very calmly in his low-key voice, even using some pretty hilarious self-deprecating humor in the process. No one could have possibly remained angry at this guy! Soon the horn blasts silenced and the verbal exchanges turned friendly. I even heard a few of the formerly angry motorists laugh! He got them all to back up and get out of his way and most importantly, if he didn’t teach them a great life lesson, he certainly helped to make a
great day for them. I could only feel a little ashamed that I wasn’t handling my pressure at the time with such great grace. Being made privy to this great moment was, well, a blessing!

Nothing seems to rattle my friend. I’ve never seen him angry or appear to be overtly stressed. At times I have been tempted to label him as irresponsible but I think just a layer deeper and realize that he is indeed very wise to have learned to do whatever version of a Blessings Count that he does - all day long. For him, life is simply great - all the time. Incidentally, he makes his living helping people to lead healthier and happier lives and he has blessed many. Someone who walks his talk and most certainly counts his blessings!

As the timing of the Universe often has it, someone passed along this quote by Henry Ward Beecher just as I was putting the finishing touches on this article: “Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.”

What a wonderful way to end this article. I mean, if we can learn to balance ourselves and feel less stress and experience more joy in our daily lives so that we can in fact paint a spectacular portrait of our own life, why not find a simple way to create that masterpiece?

Life itself is a blessing. How we live it and recognize all the blessings we truly have can make it all the more so.

Take a timely time out and Count Your Blessings!

Rick

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Rick wrote this just before lunchtime:

I was listening to a talk one that one of my future podcast guests gave (it was sensational!) on the subject of what I call “secondary gain”, or, “poor, poor, pitiful me syndrome”, (he calls it the “Spirit of Infirmity”) and it brought to mind this article I wrote last year. I hope you enjoy . . .

When the Giving Hurts

“Give ‘til it hurts.”

You’ve probably heard this a thousand times. I know I have. A well-intentioned expression that I always found somewhat strange as giving and hurt are concepts that seem to be polar opposite.

I want to share with you a personal story where giving in fact hurt a person I was trying to help. In order to do that, I need to give you a little background about myself. Please indulge me.

For whatever reason the universe has, I have been blessed to have had many people seek my counsel during my fifty years of living. They trusted that I could help them in some way.

I’ve been told that I am a good listener. Coupled with an inherent desire to help others, even during my high school days, I seemed to become the counselor of choice for many of my peers.

I vividly recall private chats I had with my high school cohorts, normally conducted in my sooped-up ’67 ‘Cuda, during lunch, spare periods or skipped-out classes. Problems about girlfriends, boyfriends, teachers and parents were the norm. Usually self-esteem issues were at the core, as is the case with most problems thirty years later.

And later, my twenty-and-thirty-something friends and family members, as well as many of the employees in my drycleaning business, could always count on complete confidence and my objectivity when discussing problems that they had in their personal lives.

As life moved along, I was faced with a myriad of not only challenges to overcome, but tragedies to deal with. The death of two of my siblings, my father and many close family members and friends, business losses, divorce and being the parent of a special needs child were among them. The lessons learned and the strength gained from these life experiences ultimately led to what I have chosen to do with my life today.

But being pretty well-schooled in life does not always mean that one has the right answers though.

He has been in my life a long time. I was mostly always on the listening end. Conversation after conversation he would laundry-list his assorted problems. And, as any ‘victims of life’ have it, they were never in short supply. I would allow him to share his stories of suffering, time after time, consuming much of mine. Like the traditional psychologist, I would just listen, as I felt listening was a large part of my role in trying to help him.

Thing was, no matter what suggestions I would offer to try to help him, the problems not only remained, but amplified over time. He never acted on my advice and I eventually began to feel rather impotent and confused about how I could make a difference in his life.

Suddenly, in a conversation last year, at a point where I became very irritated at listening to his negativity, it struck me. This person was receiving so much more benefit from knowing I was listening to him spew about his miserable life than he ever would from finding solutions and improving it. It finally dawned on me that he LOVED having problems!

I hadn’t helped him. Not one bit. In fact, for years, I was simply feeding this need in him. I was helping him to have a great time at his own pity party. All this time my giving was, in fact, hurting him!

He was shocked when I interrupted him mid-sentence and blurted out that I didn’t want to listen to any more about his problems. There was an awkward silence but when he finally asked me why I quickly reassured him that I was still interested in helping him. But it was not going to be on his terms anymore. The new deal would have to be that from this conversation forward, we would not discuss the past. Only the present and future. We would address current issues by working on solutions. He would need to act on my suggestions. Things such as reading certain books or listening to certain tapes and making small adjustments in his thinking that would produce positive results. Our future conversations would consist only of discussing the changes he would sincerely attempt to make to improve his life. He seemed somewhat stunned, and reluctantly agreed.

Those next few times we talked though he tried very hard to steer the conversation down his familiar road attempting to inform me of the latest, greatest grief in his life. But I didn’t allow that, sticking to the agreed-upon plan and changing direction to our new proactive approach.

You know what? It really didn’t take too long before the tone of our conversations became more positive in nature and soon he was beginning to “get” some important concepts about how his mind, and the universe, really worked. He started reading and listening to materials I suggested. He was beginning to learn that his current results were the product of his current thinking and that he was never a victim of life - not for one minute! That growth has continued.

Now we have great talks, often upbeat, and any real problem he has is briefly outlined and then discussed in such a way that a solution can be found and acted upon. In fact, I’ve become comfortable sharing some of my problems with him! More than once he’s reminded me to take some of my own medicine!

It’s both magical and comforting to me at the same time to know that when the simple truths of how things work in this world are realized, things can really begin to change for the better and in a big way. It’s unfortunate that it took so long for me to realize how I could better serve my friend, but then, the universe has it’s own timing for things like this.

It is my hope that if you have been trying to help someone like my friend and find yourself doing a lot of listening, that just maybe, your giving is hurting.

Rick

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Rick wrote this just before lunchtime:

As this wedding weekend will be a time for reminiscing, I thought I’d share a story I wrote about Teri (my youngest daughter and bride-to-be), that is included as a chapter in my print book, A Large Slice of Life to Go, Please! . I hope you enjoy . . .

The Muffed Dance

Teri was 5. As younger siblings do, she looked up to her older sister, the dancer, in a big way. Sara was 4 years older and was excelling in ballet, tap and jazz.

So we enrolled Teri in the same dance school and she really seemed to enjoy the lessons and her new friends. She was now, of course, a dancer, like her sister. And Teri very much looked forward to the climax of her first dance season, the year-end dance recital this school put on.

If you’ve ever been a dance parent, you of course realize that the obligation is quite large. Aside from the weekly lessons, scheduled on different days in our case, there is the extra investment of time and money preparing for the ‘big event’ - extra lessons and rehearsals, fittings for the completely different head-to-toe costume required for each dance number and a parents meeting for each dancer to make sure everyone was on the same stage come recital night. Baseball parents have it easy!

As fate would have it, Teri had surgery to lengthen her heel cord a few weeks prior to her dancing debut. But that didn’t stop her from lugging around the heavy cast trying keep up with the other performers. That’s my girl!

The big night arrives and in a flurry of hurried activity, we deliver our girls backstage complete with special hair do’s and a full coat of stage war paint and we take our seats in the auditorium.

The place darkens, the curtain rises and the show begins with the performances of some of the advanced students. They beam with pride showing off the stuff they had worked so hard on all year long. Two of Sara’s dances were slated and as always, she didn’t miss a step.

Then, to the “ahhhh, aren’t they cute”’s of the packed house, the curtain lifts to reveal Teri’s class of little tykes all in a line looking nervously around under the bright lights. At one end of the line was Teri, with her bulky cast in plain view and her hands tucked in the white muff in the starting position for “the Muff Dance.”
The moment arrived and music started. Teri didn’t. She just stood there, still as a statue, while her friends slipped into their well-rehearsed routine.

Was she nervous? Did she forget her steps? Did her foot hurt?

Then, as if on cue, she gracefully took her left hand out of the muff and raised it to her face, inserted her index finger into her nostril and with the precision of a Texas oil driller, began a full-scale exploration of the orifice that seemingly wouldn’t conclude until she hit paydirt! That’s my girl!

Needless to say, the place erupted into hysterical laughter that overrode the loud music. I began to slither down in my seat trying not to be among the majority who were splitting a gut at the spectacle and add to the embarrassment that Teri must have been beginning to feel.

Suddenly, as if it finally registered that the non-relenting roar of laughter was directed at her, she ran off the stage. I was already hustling out of the theatre to the backstage area in anticipation of having to do some creative parenting and intense consolation.

With a lot of tear drying and a little coaxing I managed to convince my little dancer to “get on with the show”, where she performed the rest of her numbers, without using her fingers.

The next year, she played tee ball.

© Rick Beneteau

Rick

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Rick wrote this in the early evening:

I mentioned in my last post that my youngest daughter is getting married in a few weeks. Well, it all started when she met a man named Kyle, and this is a true story about the day she left the nest. I hope you enjoy . . .

The Hardest Day

It was one of the hardest days of my life. The weeks leading up to it became increasingly more difficult, and even a few days after, my heart is still heavy. Here’s the full story . . .

My youngest daughter and I have shared a very special relationship for twenty three years. Not only did she have to face the normal day-to-day stuff of growing up in this complicated world, Teri was also given the challenge of conquering many serious medical issues and the accompanying adversity that comes with brain surgery and countless hospital incarcerations, rehabilitation programs, a never-ending merry-go-round of doctors and the juggling of powerful medications to control her debilitating seizures.

Then, as if all this was not enough, she was partially paralyzed on one side of her body and dealing with ‘being different’ from other children was also piled on her plate.

I can still feel the lump in my throat on her first day of kindergarten when she proudly stood at the front of the line that was formed when the school bell rang only to have this bigger boy push her back so he could take her place. There were many similar hurts throughout her younger years but together we were always able to bounce back and forge ahead after a good daughter-daddy talk and a refilled tank of self-esteem.

Teri also experienced the trauma of her father and mother divorcing and her life being thrown into a state of upheaval. Not an easy thing to get through for even the healthiest nine year-old. We had many heart wrenching exchanges where I did my fatherly best to reassure her that she was not responsible for mommy and daddy moving apart and that we loved her and her sister more than ever. She lived with me for the majority of time after the divorce.

Summer memories of Saturday mornings playing tee-ball with other handicapped kids and running the bases with her little leg brace are especially sweet to me. She learned how to sign at Easter Seal camp and an especially proud moment was when all alone on stage she signed the song, “The Wind Beneath My Wings”, in front of the entire school body at her end-of-year grade eight assembly.

The teenage Teri became increasingly more self-confident and self-assertive. She graduated from high school and signed up for college courses while volunteering at the hospital on the children’s ward that was so often her home away from home. I can still hear a sixteen year old’s shaken voice and heavy sobs as I tried to help soothe a first broken heart. That day I think mine was breaking just a much!

Teri has made her father very proud turning so many tragedies into triumphs. Today, our bond continues to grow as other challenges and issues of life come and go. She often helps to guide me. There hasn’t been too many days that we haven’t been on the phone, often more than once, chit chatting about something serious, or just nothing at all. That however, is about to change.

Two years ago she met Kyle in an Internet chat room. Yikes! They communicated online and by phone for months. He played drums in a Christian band and she really began to trust him. She eventually invited him to come and visit her in Windsor. Inasmuch as I suffer from the ‘no one is good enough for my daughter’ syndrome as much as the next dad, they certainly seemed perfectly suited for one another.

He moved down here a year ago and they made plans to be married later this year. And, move to the city where his parents live this spring. Four hundred long miles away. The day I referred to in the opening sentence of this story was, of course, moving day.

I know from the powerful, emotional feelings that overwhelmed me for the weeks leading up to this day that the role of parenting never really ends. It became all the clearer to me that how much you love and deeply care for your children only grows with time.

Something I wrote a few years back began to ring truer than ever: “Of all the good parents I know, I can’t think of one who doesn’t love their children more than they are loved back.”

To be blantantly honest, I was very surprised at how difficult “letting go” really was for me - someone who believes himself to be at least somewhat plugged into the inner workings of this great universe. This was one of those goliath heart-over-mind struggles!

Now I must also fully let go and trust the universe that Teri is going to be ok and has made a good choice in moving forward in her life. I must live by my own promises to her that I would unconditionally support her in her choices and just send her positive thoughts and prayers. I must fully believe that as I have been allowed to learn and grow from every choice that I have made in my life, so must she!

A newer friend of mine, who just happened to appear in my life at the apex of my struggle, offered this to me the day before she moved away:
“It’s time to trust this fully and completely and ride it all the way through.”

So, I must make the final turn from my own selfish feelings of fear and loss and make my reality that what has happened here is a wonderful opportunity for growth and advancement - for both father and daughter.

Teri is walking her walk, and so must I!

I will always hold dear the bittersweet memory of the sunny spring day as she rolled away in a twenty-six foot moving van to start a new life far from her father’s home, but never far from his heart.

It will remain one of the hardest days of my life.

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